He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
