omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
