that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
the raccoons are back...
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