My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
