I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
