dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
