I just made out with a guy for $7.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
