First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
