last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
