no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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