Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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