Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I FOUND THE LEGS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
