My Higher Power is John Stamos
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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