scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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