We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
