the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
