From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
