You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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