Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
