All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
