I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
