i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
