i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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