Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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