Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
