I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
