the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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