you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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