I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
