My liver just broke up with me...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
