is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
