Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
