dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
