The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
