i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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