Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
