I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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