Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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