So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
