I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My life is pants optional.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
