dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
