She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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