how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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