I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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