Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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