Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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