It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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