OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
