I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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