Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
